Unpopular Opinion: Weddings are awful

 

Whatever happened to a bride or groom’s wedding being the happiest day of their lives? Was it ever that way? 

Ask anyone how they’re feeling on the night of their wedding—after the ceremony is done, the meals have been served, the speeches have been made, and the DJ plays Mambo No. 5 ironically—and the response is unanimous: “I’m just relieved it’s over”.

Relieved it’s over? The happiest day of your life? My happiest day was the time the vending machine broke at work and I got free bags of Doritos. I can tell you with confidence that I’d be happy to relive that day over and over.

A sample checklist from The Perfect Wedding Guide lists more than 70 items that should be completed, beginning 12 months before the actual wedding. Is there any other scenario in which a 70-plus item checklist wouldn’t send you screaming for the hills?

People seem more than willing to inflict stress and financial straights on themselves and their relationship in the name of societal, social, and family pressures.

The Knot and WeddingWire released their 2019 Global Weddings Report, analyzing the overall costs and average expenses associated with weddings in 14 countries. Canada ranked 9th in the world with 1 in 3 couples going into wedding debt with average expenditures totaling just under $30,000. Not a great start considering money is consistently cited as a top reason why couples fight to begin with.

Weddings are awful for the couple and they’re also awful for the people involved.

Have you ever been asked to be a maid of honour or best man? That’s always fun.

According to Glamour, the average cost of being a bridesmaid is more than $2,000; for the best man, more than $1,600. 

"Hey man, thanks for asking me to be your best man and inflicting those future money problems of yours into my relationship, too."

And then there are the poor unsuspecting guests; all excited for their night of dressing up and enjoying food and drinks with friends and family. 

"How much should we put in the envelope? $100? $200? We don't want to seem cheap, let's go with $120 each to cover the cost of food and drinks... 

Wait, this wedding has a cash bar and I have to get up and wait in line for the wine?…

Is my vegetarian food option really just cold white rice, celery, and a full head of iceberg lettuce?…

I think my rice is cold because I just had to sit through a 25-minute speech from a friend of the groom's accountant who told a hilarious story about the time the groom forgot to make his RRSP contributions before the March 1 deadline.

Go back and get the envelope."

Can you believe I once had a couple get angry with my request to send them their wedding gift via Interac e-Transfer? Oh, I'm really sorry for wanting to conveniently deposit the money directly into your bank account.

Awful. All of it.

I'd also like to take this time to congratulate my cousin on her recent engagement. I'm really looking forward to the wedding.

Your Comments